lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
