i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
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