its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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