she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
