I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
