know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
