Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Found the puke drawer
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
3 2 1 whiskey
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize
