the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
