If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
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Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
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I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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