The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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