i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
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trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
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Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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