my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
She told me I should be a condom model.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
