Plan B is the new Plan A
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
