Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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