I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
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He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
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Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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