Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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