ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
