I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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