remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
zippers are such a cool invention
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize
