from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
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