New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
