Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I'm too high and old for this...
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
