how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Randomize
