we're blogging at a bar
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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