I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
