Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
