real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
