she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
