Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
if i died would you start the facebook group?
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
