I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
