She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Gay?
German.
Pity.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
