yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
