I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Randomize
