UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
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