So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Randomize
