Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
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