You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I have aggressive nipples.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
