Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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