Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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