am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
