If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
