I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
