lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
