"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
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