do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
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It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
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I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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