I'm eating all of the evidence.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
