I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
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If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
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He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
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