I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
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Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
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Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
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