walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
