He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
