Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
So squirting runs in the family.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Randomize