At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
