I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
