Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
