Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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