I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
