He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
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