Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Randomize
