Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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