I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
