omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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