So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
