i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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