WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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