Are we in a gay sports bar?
I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
One girl and one boy is just not enough.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
