I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Randomize
