i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
