yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
