I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
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Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
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I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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