What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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