member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Randomize
