I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
We got so high we made milksteak
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
